Couples come to me when there are hurts and deep wounds that are not being felt and understood by those in the relationship. Day after day the pain continues to run deep for everyone involved with no end in sight to the point of feeling suffocated and trapped. Feeling painfully alone and unable to reach out for connection from the one you cherish most but met with no response or accusations of being needy. What about the frustration one feels because the love is there for their partner but has absolutely no clue how to express it or what to do because that’s not how you grew up and/or it is too dangerous. Being alone, feeling rejected, and living in despair daily is a terrifying place to reside. It is amazing how quickly one once cherished now becomes the enemy.
Emotionally Focused Therapy will help you to learn how you getting caught up in those negative strategies that keep you disconnected. This is not accomplished with telling you what to do or insight but through experiential learning with the goals of safety, communication, trust and knowing that the the other has your back.
One of many concerns is will I be attacked and made out to be the bad guy? (That’s what happened last time or that’s what happened to my friend.) Absolutely not! There are reasons why we do what we do and that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences so we will learn how things happened and how to move forward as well as how to be there for the other that was hurt in the relationship. What I also like people to know is that this isn’t easy, it does get ugly sometimes, and it isn’t overnight but if those involved stick with it the rewards are a renewed relationship with a deeper level of connection and understanding of self and other. I have learned if one doesn’t work on their baggage in the current relationship it is more likely to keep repeating itself in future relationships. I have also had couples mutually decide that the relationship has run its course and want it to end in the best way possible especially if there are children involved. Believe or not it is possible to make it happen.